This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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