all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize