Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
