We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
