your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
