I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
