Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
