I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
