i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
