She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
