Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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