hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
