Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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