I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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