Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
