I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
