Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
