Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
