i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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