i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize