I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
