Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
