I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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