idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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