from now on my penis is your penis
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize