I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have fence marks all over my body
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
