Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize