it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
