maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
