You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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