I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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