We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
