i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
