Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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