i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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