Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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