fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
why is half of my head shaved?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
