Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
