She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
