In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
