My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i need some magic done to my vagina
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
