just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
