Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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