dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
