tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
