The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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