my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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