Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
