he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
