if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
