then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize