I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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