I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
