Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
