The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize