I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
