i just had sex bonerless
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize