I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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