im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
