Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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