omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
