I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
