thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
