I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
