this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
