The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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