He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
