Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
