We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
