In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
