somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
