so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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