I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
