I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
