i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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