I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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