She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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