OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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