a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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