He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
