Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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