His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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