Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
so much tequila, so little girl.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
