That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
3pm strippers are depressing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
