we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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