i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
