so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
