We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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