I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
