People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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