New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
