YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
