If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
