Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
