Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
