this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
