totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
