I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my sisters under your porch take her home
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
