i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize