I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
