Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Life is so much better after having sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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